Why do even our best relationships sometimes fall apart?
Why do intelligent, compassionate people find themselves locked in recurring patterns of conflict, misunderstanding, or emotional shutdown?

The answers, according to emerging clinical models and decades of research, lie not just in our communication skills—but in the deep, often unconscious architecture of fear and defense that drives how we relate.

This cutting-edge training, New Advances in Deconstructing Relationships, goes beyond surface-level strategies to explore the psychological and neurological patterns that shape how we see others—and how we defend against our deepest relational fears.

Core Fear: The Hidden Lens Shaping All Relationships

Research in Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (Burns, Gillihan, Beck) has shown that we all carry a core fear—a central belief about our own inadequacy or danger in the world. When this fear is activated, especially in close relationships, it subtly distorts how we perceive those around us.

We begin projecting:

  • That others will abandon or betray us

  • That we’re unworthy of love or respect

  • That our needs will always be “too much” or unmet

This projection doesn’t come from malice or flaw—it comes from pain. As Dr. Todd Pressman and others have illustrated, it’s our core fear that silently scripts our stories about others (and ourselves), often without us realizing it.

Chief Defense: The Habit That Hurts More Than It Helps

According to Davenloo and supported by more recent relational theorists (e.g., Fernanda), when our core fear is triggered, we instinctively react with a chief defense—a deeply ingrained pattern that’s meant to protect us, but often has the opposite effect.

Examples of these defenses include:

  • Blame or attack to regain control

  • Withdrawal or silence to avoid being hurt

  • Over-accommodation to preserve peace

Ironically, these defenses create the very disconnection we’re trying to prevent. They fuel misunderstandings, escalate conflict, and keep us from being truly seen or known.

Even when the other person is at fault, our reactive defense becomes the source of continued harm.

The Path Forward: Mindful Relationship Repair

Here’s the breakthrough:
When we understand the inner mechanics of fear and defense, we create space for choice—new ways of seeing and responding that lead to emotional safety and authentic connection.

This opens the door to:

  • Empathy over assumption

  • Presence over projection

  • Flow over friction (Seligman, Csikszentmihalyi)

  • Meaning over misunderstanding (Costello, Kabat-Zinn)

Relationships, once seen through this lens, become vehicles for healing and personal evolution—not just sources of stress or validation.

Upcoming Training: New Advances in Deconstructing Relationships

A Revolutionary Framework for Transforming How We See and Show Up in Relationships

In this dynamic and experiential training, Dr. Todd Pressman shares a groundbreaking model that integrates core fear theory, defense identification, and mindfulness practices to help clients:

  • Uncover and work through the root of their relational reactivity

  • Identify their chief defenses and learn to disengage from automatic patterns

  • Choose new, more effective pathways toward connection, resolution, and growth

Whether you’re a therapist, coach, or curious learner seeking deeper insight into how people relate, this event will offer profound tools for understanding—and transforming—relational patterns.

🗓️ 7-26-25
🔗 Learn More
🎓 Earn 3 CE credits

Healing relationships begins not with fixing others—but with deconstructing the fear and defense within ourselves. Join us and discover how.